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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?